How do we gain self-control? This is really the central issue when it comes to addiction isn’t it? How do we gain control of ourselves? The church for the most part has taken the avenue of accountability partners. By that I mean having someone in our lives that will hold us accountable for your actions. But accountability partners never worked for me. I know many men that this avenue of bring about self-control hasn’t worked either, but the church doesn’t offer much more help than this. I tried twelve step programs as well and found some gain of control by learning all the ways to break the sexual cycle etc., but it was inevitable that sooner or later I was going to come into contact with the matrix’s form of beauty and be back to square one. Some psychologist, secular and Christian, will tell you that shame is what is driving you to this behavior and if you could just get rid of your shame you would find self-control. But although shame is a part of addiction it is not what sets us free to manage our actions. At least it didn’t for me. Some say the truth will set you free, but never quite manage to deliver us from our compulsions. So how do we gain self-control?

I remember reading the list of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22,23 and coming across self-control as being one of those fruits. To tell you the truth it really irritated me, because I felt I had the Spirit, but I didn’t have self-control. It was a puzzle that had no answer. How could Paul say self-control was a fruit of the Spirit and say in Romans that “We do the very things we do not want to do.” It seemed like a total contradiction.

I really though had no idea how the Holy Spirit produced all these fruits. I guess I just thought they magically appeared in our life once we became Christians. Think about it though, what is one of the most important roles of the Holy Spirit in our lives? Isn’t it to be a guide into all the truth? How then does the Spirit produce self-control? He does it by leading us to the truth that will allow us to exhibit self-control in our lives. But what was that truth I was missing? This is what nearly drove me mad most of my Christian life. What was the truth I was missing that would allow me to bear the fruit of self-control?

Look at what Paul says in Romans 8:5 “For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are of the Spirit the things of the Spirit.” First off how can we as Christians say we are setting our minds on the things of the Spirit when we constantly let the matrix influence us through its media? It literally blows my mind that the church is not more outspoken when it comes to how our minds are being set on things of the flesh through the media. Even people that are not Christians realize how we are being destroyed by the matrix’s messages of sexuality, violence, greed, consumerism, etc.. But the church seems totally unaware of this fact. I know if you asked them they would say they believe we are being influenced by the media. But what are they doing about it, what are they teaching about it? So let me say it if the church wont, stop watching the worlds media; stop watching its programs, its advertisements, its news, its entertainment, its sports, its talk shows, its billboards, stop listening to its songs, its jingles, its morning jocks, its late night talking heads. There is a reason they call it “American Idol.” If you want self-control in your life that comes from the Spirit of God, the first thing you must do is disconnect from the matrix’s influence. This seems so obvious to me now it shouldn’t need to be said, but it does. This world’s media is the most influential thing one could imagine turning our head’s toward the flesh and we must stop its influence on us if we desire self-control.

Let’s read a little further with Paul. Romans 8:6-8, “For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so; and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.”

First thing to notice is the source of my irritation at Galatians. A mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God. I was irritated with God’s word because it wasn’t working, but it wasn’t working because my mind was set on the flesh. The second thing to notice here is that Paul is talking about self-control. And he says a person who has set their mind on the flesh is not capable of self-control. If you continue to let the matrix set your mind on the things of the flesh you will not be able to control yourself. Bottom line. I don’t care what counseling you have gotten, what programs you are in or have been in, what truth’s you think you know, you will not be able to control yourself if you do not set your mind on the Spirit and not the flesh. This is one reason I am so against accountability partners because they in a very subtle way set the mind on the flesh and not the spirit. But we must realize the media is the most influential thing in our life setting our minds on the flesh. Isn’t it? So how can we ignore this? It is beyond me.

Now for the second thing absolutely essential when it comes to self-control is the truth. This is how the Spirit produces His fruit of self-control in us, by leading us to the truth. We just couldn’t see it before because our minds were set on the flesh, but once you check out of the matrix you will be able to see it.

I want to start this explanation by telling you a riddle. There was a father and his son traveling down a dark country road during a terrible rain storm. As they were driving along they came upon a sharp curve in the road and the father lost control of the car. The car skidded off the road and slammed into a tree, instantly killing the father. His son however was taken to a local hospital were if he had surgery he would most likely survive his injuries. As the boy was laying in the emergency room the surgeon walks in and says, “I can’t operate on this boy he is my son.” How can this be when the father was killed in the accident? The boy has no step-fathers either. Take a few minutes and think about this riddle. I have yet had anyone solve it that has not heard it before, yet the answer is amazingly simple.

I tell this riddle because riddles are a perfect example of how Satan deceives us. Riddles are only riddles because the truth that could solve them is hidden from us. Pornography could be considered a riddle as well, because there is lie in it that has been hidden from us keeping us from finding the answer to our self-control problem. But it is not just any truth that will set us free, it is a specific truth. Just as I could tell you about hospitals, surgery procedures and emergency room policies and you still wouldn’t be any closer to solving my riddle of the surgeon, so many truths have been laid out to solve the riddle of pornography with no effect. And that is the point I want to make in this blog. There is a specific truth that solves the problem of pornography, the truth about true beauty, the truth about power, the truth about the matrix’s influence on us. We can talk all day about Christ forgiveness, the omnipresence of God, about shame, about sexual cycles, about any number of things, but until we talk about the truth that unlocks the riddle we are not going to find freedom. That is why I think my book is so important. Because it is the truth that will set you free. It solves the riddle by revealing the lie. This is how the Holy Spirit has given me the fruit of self-control.

The answer by the way to the riddle is that the surgeon was the boy’s mother. Can you see though how talking about, hospitals or emergency departments or surgical techniques would not have helped you solve this riddle, though all that information may have been very true. But if I would have talked to you about how women are making advances into jobs once held only by men, it would have made the answer quite obvious. This is how it is with pornography. A lot of truth is being thrown at the problem, just not the right truth. The truth is the only thing capable of giving us the fruit of self-control.

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